get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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