8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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