Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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