I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
