Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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