I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
