is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize