What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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