im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
