I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
