Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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