i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
