im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
