You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
