My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
