I will die if light touches me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
