And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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