Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
