I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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