just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
