So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
