i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize