I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
