It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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