happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
