Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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