Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
