Tell her she can't have a vagina
nutella sex= disaster
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
