Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
