Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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