Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
