I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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