shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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