You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
