I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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