Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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