Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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