Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
