God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
