she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize