He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
