Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
