I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this beer tastes like vomit already
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize