Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
