The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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