he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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