My nipple is on Facebook.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
