Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
