is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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