ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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