Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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