I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That accounts for only three of the penises
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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