I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
