No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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