I am in a vortex of obligation.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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