I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
