i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
