My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize