a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
