i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
