Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
