I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
