I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
