We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize