I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
