Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
