Your face is a jimmy john
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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