If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
