strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
