In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize