Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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