best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
