Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize